Advice: do not microwave eggs.

Recipe:

Date Granola
1/2 cup rolled oats
1/2 cup quick oats
1 1/2 cup chopped nuts (almonds, walnuts, pecans, etc.)
1/2 cup chopped dates
1/4 cup brown sugar
1/4 cup honey
1/4 cup canola oil

Throw all that yummy stuff in a sauce pan or wok toast over high heat stirring frequently until oats are golden. Scatter the collection of squirrel food over a cookie sheet and let cool. If you want a crispier granola, place the sheet in the oven and toast for about ten minutes and then let cool.

You'll want tot make sure you have something other than soy milk to enjoy this with.

Why is the rum always gone?!

There is some really cheap rum in the cupboard above the mixer in the kitchen. On the rocks it tastes a little like paint thinner. We've decided to experiment with it. The result of the following concoction was surprisingly satisfying.

Hard Chocolate Milk
shot of chocolate syrup
shot of almond syrup
shot of cheap rum
top off with milk

Serve warm or cold.

Figs

We had three boxes full of California figs and as these things go, some went all furry. I grew up wasting as little as possible. Our table scraps went to the chickens and compost pit and some none edible garbage was turned into craft supplies. My first impulse was to eat all the figs right then and there, but my better judgment got the better of me and I began the process of creating these fig bars that are pretty close to Fig Newtons.

FIG BARS
15 ounces of figs (fresh) or 8 ounces dried
1/2 cup white sugar
juice squeezed from 1 lemon
1 tsp baking powder
1 cup flour
1/4 tsp salt
1/2 tsp vanilla
1 egg
2/3 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup shortening or butter

Cut figs into small pieces and simmer with the white sugar and lemon juice until its about the consistency of thick jam. If you choose to us dried figs, you'll have to soak them for a while before that first step.

Grease a cookie sheet.
Beat brown sugar, shortening (or butter), egg, and vanilla in a bowl together.
Mix in the flour, baking powder and salt.
Cut this dough in half and roll out into two rectangles each about a quarter inch thick.
Lay one of the rectangles on the cookie sheet and cover is with the fig jam.
Lay the other rectangle over the jam and press down on the edges to smush the two sheets of dough together. Bake at 350 F for 30 minutes.
Let the thing cool and then cut it into squares.

Tada! Great snack for fishing trips.

Beerless Batter

My brother caught a huge cod the other day and it was only appropriate that half be used for a Fish 'n' Chips diner. As you may already know, one usually makes a beer batter with which to coat the fish pieces before submerging them in a vat of boiling oil. The general store was closed at the time of the catch and we had no beer in the fridge. So, as many inventions go, we substituted. My aunt basically knows a lot about the chemistry in cooking, so she knew what would most likely work. And my goodness, did it work! Golden fried deliciousness all at our fingertips!
Here's her recipe:

Beerless Batter
1 cup flour
2 tsp salt or Old Bay seasoning
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp yeast
1/2 cup warm water (more may be needed)

Mix dry ingredients together and then add the warm water. Stir until the batter is gooey. Add more water if needed.

Fish 'n' Chips
Serves 3 people
1-2 pounds de-boned cod
vat of boiling grease (a soup pot filled half way with oil that is safe for hi-heat cooking)
4 large potatoes
bowl of Beerless Batter
old newspaper or paper-towels
lemon slices
white vinegar

Prepare the grease receptacle tray by placing several sheets of newspaper or paper-towels on a cookie sheet. Keep this tray near the stove, but not so near that the oil soaked paper will combust.
Cut fish into reasonable pieces, maybe 3-4 inches long and an inch thick. Heat oil on stove at high heat until bubbles start to form. Coat fish in batter and carefully drop into vat. Turn the frying goodness often until batter is golden. Do not remove with hands, fingers, face or any other fleshly surface of the body. Use a metal device custom designed for the removal of food from hot substances such as a spatula or tongs. Place golden fried cod chunks on the grease receptacle tray. Once cooled slightly, place on a platter and put in a warm oven or equivalent until all else is prepared for the meal.
Cut potatoes into desired shapes and place a medium handful into vat, (also using specified metal device). Cover remaining potatoes pieces so they don't look like death later. Remove "chips" from oil only when they are golden and place on the newspaper tray, (once again using the aforementioned device). Salt. Repeat until all potatoes are successfully transformed into "chips".
Prepare lemon slices and vinegar.
Allow the diner ceremony to commence!

The Grease Cutter

We made battered fish 'n' chips for dinner tonight in a vat of boiling oil. (Directions will be posted shortly). Judging by the amount of missing oil from the vat by the end of diner, we figure we ingested a lot of fat. Sooo tasty, but very clogging you know. My aunt isn't supposed to have much oily foods, so I offered to concoct another beverage.

The Grease Cutter

3 ice cubes
4 tbs Minute Maid cranberry cocktail (frozen)
1 shot vodka
top off with carbonated water

Tada! Everything but the liver and pancreas are in better condition now.

found the vodka!

Well, I have been selling a lot of alcohol at work, so I decided I should try some of the store's finest. My aunt has a neat device for carbonating water, a reliable tendency to stock the freezer with Smirnoff and an endless supply of sugary concoctables. She was in the process of making dinner and requested a beverage. Naturally, 'beverage' must mean sugar and alcohol.

Smirnoff Ice Substitute
2 tbs Minute Maid lime-aid (frozen)
3 ice cubes
2 shots vodka
1 lime wedge
top off with carbonated water

Tada! No more head ache!

freezer burned bananas

Alright people, just in case you thought it was OK to bake cold banana bread batter in a propane oven, I regret to inform you that you are mistaken. Only add those freezer burned mashed bananas to the mixture when they are at room temperature. And take into your calculations that propane ovens burn hotter than electrical. That being said, here is my first island success recipe:

Gluten-Free Oat Banana Bread
2 cups Oat Flour
1 tsp Baking Soda
pinch of Salt
1/2 cup Butter (salted is best)
1cup Brown Sugar
2 Eggs
3 cups very ripe mashed Bananas
1 small handful of Rolled Oats (optional)
1 small handful of Chocolate Chips (also optional, but highly recommended)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit.
Grease a 9x5 loaf pan or one of those spring release round pans.
Mix flour, baking soda and salt together.
In a separate bowl, mix the sugar and butter until creamy.
Pour in banana mush and eggs. Blend that stuff well.
Stir in the flour mixture but don't blend it, just stir it together. (This would be when you add the chocolate chips to the mix if you dare!)
Pour batter into pan, sprinkle rolled oats on top and bake for 60 minutes. ( Or until a toothpick comes out in the same condition it went in)
Let it cool for about 10 minutes.

Ta-da! No more moldy bananas.